Why you should NEVER dress as a horse on Halloween
by HeyPantat
Summary: Which is worse; having to be fed till you almost blow up, or being told you're going to get eaten? Well, I say, NEITHER! There's something far worse then those two suckers...


Yeah, I've been feeling Tim Burton-y lately.

Anyways, enjoy!

Disclaimer: Hi, I'm Jeff Goode. … April's fool! (Note: this only works on 1st April, so on other days of the year, call me Jeff Goode!) Not really… :/

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Oh, another jolly holiday. Well today, it's, yes, you didn't guess it, Halloween. Well, let me start this proper; Once upon a time, on the night of Halloween, children dress in their pathetic attempts of a scary costume, and well, they go house to house and yell

"Trick or treat!" children's voices, mixed with Jake and Spud's, rang through the door of the woman who lived with seven rats. I mean, cats.

One child dressed in a witch costume screamed as an eyeball appeared on the door hole of which she had been staring at intently. The girl felt fuzzy hands gripping her to keep her from falling. Her smiled dropped as she noticed it was the losers in the pathetic horse costume. "Uh, thanks," she muttered, then quickly slid into the group of children, keeping her distance from them.

"You're welcomed!" Jake yelled through the head of the horse.

"Now, now, Jake," said a voice from the horse's… rear end. "It's not nice to yell to little kids."

Jake frowned and crossed his arms over the horse's neck, "Yeah, whatever. And Spud, this is the last time I go trick-or-treating with you."

"That's what you said last year. And look where you are now," Spud mocked.

"I agreed only because you finally let me be the head!" Jake yelled, stressing on the word _finally. _Spud opened his mouth to argue, but then the door flew open and the old woman stood before them.

The loud chatter of the children died out as they stared up to the old woman. She had a kind looking face. Her eyes were the darkest shade of violet and her smile was wide and thin. She had wrinkles all over her face, symbolising her… oldness? Her round body was covered with a red and pink dress, white apron, and red bonnet with white ribbons. The smell of cats filled the children's noses, and they slowly backed away as the lady took a step towards them.

Jake smirked through his horse head. "Hah, what's wrong little kids? Afraid of a kind lady?"

Spud laughed loudly with Jake. The two of them tried to take a step towards the lady, but they ended up stumbling forward. Jake grunted, "I thought we agreed to start on the left when we walked."

"Does it even matter? I mean you do have two left feet!"

"At least I'm not the one who's stinking up the inside of this costume with onions!"

"It's mashed potatoes!" Spud yelled.

The two tried glaring at each other, but were completely unsuccessful. Instead, they ended up falling sideways and landing on the concrete steps. "Hey," Jake began when he didn't notice any small feet. "Where are the kids?"

"Oh, they left," the lady shrugged. She leaned down towards the two boys and smiled wide. Jake looked left and right, unsure of what to do. "Okay…" he began. "I guess we better catch up with them then."

The two of them struggled to get up. "Oh that's not necessary. It only means there's more candy for you. Anyway, you're definitely not afraid of a kind lady, aren't you?" the old lady asked, her words shooting daggers to Jake who had mocked the children with that line just now.

He glanced over at Spud as soon as they got up. Spud had a wide smile on his face as he yelled, "Trick or treat!"

The lady smiled. "Oh," she gasped. "I must have left my bowl of candy back at the kitchen."

"That's okay," Spud shrugged. "We'll wait here."

"Yeah," Jake agreed slowly. "We'll be right here."

Suddenly, a cold breeze blew pass them and they shivered. "Oh dear," the lady exclaimed. "You must be freezing. Come on inside and sit by the warm fire as I get the candy. Come now, before you freeze to death."

"Okay," Spud agreed instantly. He tried moving, but Jake didn't even move a muscle. "Actually, we're just fine right here."

Spud frowned at Jake, "What's the matter? Afraid of a kind lady?" he teased.

Jake felt his face burn. "No!" he almost yelled. Sighing, Jake said, "Fine. Okay lady, we'll come in."

"Excellent," the lady said, laughing slightly. Jake glanced unsurely at her as he stepped through the door, with Spud trotting behind happily. "Now you go by the fire while I take the candy for you," the lady said.

Jake looked to see her retreating back fading into darkness. He looked around the room. It was yellow and bright, with a lot of treats on the coffee table. There was a fire by the fireplace that gave out nothing but warmth. Plus, the house smells like old lady.

Frowning slightly, Jake felt a pull by his rear and saw that Spud was heading over to the coffee table. He slipped food into the costume and gobbled them greedily. "Eat some, Jake!" Spud said through a mouth full of food. "They're delicious."

Jake looked down at the many plates filled with colourful and sweet-smelling treats. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt," he shrugged, then stuffed the treats into his mouth.

The old lady had come and brought in more treats for them. Hours later, the costume the two boys were wearing felt stuffy and tight. "Well," Jake began, feeling aware of the time. "I guess we better get going."

"Oh, very well," said the old lady. "But before that could you please help me with my pot of soup? I'm afraid it's too heavy for my weak, old arms to carry. I'm sure a youthful horse like you could help."

"Did she just call us a horse?" Jake whispered to Spud, who shrugged.

Well, what's wrong with helping an old lady, right? "Okay," Jake replied after a while. "We'll help."

"Oh, good. Come now, to the kitchen," the lady said, leading the boys into the kitchen that smelt more like a butcher's shop than an old lady's kitchen. "But before you carry the pot, could you check to see if the soup has stopped boiling?"

Jake burped. "Sure," Spud answered.

The two stumbled forward and stood before the large pot. It could probably fit a person, or two! Jake leaned down and Spud stuck his rear and tongue out. The lady chuckled and Spud felt someone push him forward. "Whoa, what are you doing?" Spud yelled.

Jake opened his mouth in shock as he felt the costume's snout get dipped into the warm soup. "Getting my dinner ready! I'm serving horse tonight, but I'm afraid you won't get a bite. Such a shame, you've grown go fat and big that I wonder if I'll be able to finish you all by myself, horse."

"Say what?" Jake yelled. "We're not a horse! Are you sick, woman?"

"I'm only sick of eating cat meat is all. It's been a long time since I've had a horse," the lady replied with greed in her voice.

"We're not a horse!" Spud exclaimed.

Jake grunted. "Spud, we're outta here. Come on. Dragon up!"

Unfortunately, a big, fat dragon couldn't fly their way out, and couldn't even coordinate in a horse's suit. So Spud had Jake turn back to human form, and they _quickly _made their way out. Want to imagine how?

Well, think of a fat, purple horse with a red snout. Its movements are like a penguin. And a fat, old lady in bright colours, also walking like a penguin! Left, right, left, right… and they walk towards the door in slow motion. Can you imagine it? Good!

So that, my friends, is a classic tale of why you should never, ever dress up as a horse on Halloween. What? Oh yeah, uh, and never enter anyone's house too. For all you know, they might feed you till you almost blow up, then mistake you for a horse, and try to eat you! I mean, what's worse than having someone think you're some kind of horse, am I right?

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If you think its lame, shut up fool. Thanks. :D Oh and PUH-LEEZE review.


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